Well, I was looking forward to writing a triumphant post about how I was finally overcoming my vaginismus. S and I were finally able to have sex last Wednesday, and while it wasn't as good for me as it has been in the past, I wasn't in pain and my body didn't lock up. I was so relieved and thrilled to finally think I was getting that part of my life back.
After we had sex last week, S's mood completely changed and the tension that had existed between us for the better part of the past year seemed to have lifted. S and I had the best week we've had in a long time, and I felt like I did back before all of this happened, back when he and I were still so happy.
Until now.
Tonight, I feel like we took a major step backwards. S has been talking and not-so-subtlely hinting about sex for the past few days and when it didn't happen tonight, he completely shut down and went back to giving me the silent treatment.
I feel so defeated. I HATE feeling pressured to have sex, like I have to do it just to keep him happy. We have discussed this at length, and I have also spent a lot of time working through this in therapy. But tonight, all of S's talk about sex and then his pouting when it didn't happen makes me feel like sex is all he cares about, like he doesn't even care about how hard I have worked to get here, or how long it took me get back to a place where I could even physically have sex, much less actually want to do it and be excited about it. Its like he forgets/doesn't care about how great our life together is in every other area because he is just so fixated on the frequency of our sex life.
I am just venting now, I guess. I am just so, so sad to be back here again.
After we had sex last week, S's mood completely changed and the tension that had existed between us for the better part of the past year seemed to have lifted. S and I had the best week we've had in a long time, and I felt like I did back before all of this happened, back when he and I were still so happy.
Until now.
Tonight, I feel like we took a major step backwards. S has been talking and not-so-subtlely hinting about sex for the past few days and when it didn't happen tonight, he completely shut down and went back to giving me the silent treatment.
I feel so defeated. I HATE feeling pressured to have sex, like I have to do it just to keep him happy. We have discussed this at length, and I have also spent a lot of time working through this in therapy. But tonight, all of S's talk about sex and then his pouting when it didn't happen makes me feel like sex is all he cares about, like he doesn't even care about how hard I have worked to get here, or how long it took me get back to a place where I could even physically have sex, much less actually want to do it and be excited about it. Its like he forgets/doesn't care about how great our life together is in every other area because he is just so fixated on the frequency of our sex life.
I am just venting now, I guess. I am just so, so sad to be back here again.
OK, I just have to say, you and I are in the same boat. Not with the vaginismus, but with the husband's always wanting/hinting/pouting about sex. Don't get me wrong, I like sex as much as the next person, but I don't need to do it all day, every day. I mean, I work 40 hours a week, co-chair 2 charity events, run the house and raise a one year old. By the time I actually get to kick my feet up at 8:30 at night, the last thing on my mind is sex. LOL And you're right, the more they push and push and push, we end of giving in just to shut them up and then it is a vicious cycle. When I give in, I want it less and so forth. Can't they just snuggle and not be attempting the boob feel at the same time? :-)
ReplyDeleteI hate feeling that pressure to have to have sex all the time so don't worry, you aren't alone!
:( Has he talked to anyone about this? He may need someone other than you gently helping him realize that the pressure on his end is not helping, and also that it takes time. Just because you had one good go (which is great!!) doesn't mean everytime he htinks of it it happens, or everytime your try it works. It's a give and take. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jen. He hasn't yet but has an appointment scheduled with a therapist next week. (He's been trying to set something up for awhile, but had to go through the University since he is on student health insurance and it has been a long referral process.). I agree with you 100%, he has got to find a healthy way to deal with his anger and frustration besides taking it out on me.
Delete::creepy Internet stranger hugs:: I hope things turn around soon.
ReplyDelete