Apology

I wanted to say I'm sorry for complaining so much lately.

I just re-read what I posted at 3:00 this morning and realized I sound like such a whiner. 

E is having a hard time, it is not her fault, and I should have more compassion for her.  Instead I find myself so angry and frustrated, especially in the middle of the night.  Of course I would never take that frustration out on E, but I feel guilty for even thinking it.  I love that little girl more than anything in this world, and I feel like a horrible person for letting myself get so frustrated with her. 

I know what you are thinking, have S help so I can get some sleep.  S does help.  He is amazing.  He gets as little or less sleep than I do, and still manages to function (and excel) at his rotations every day.  But about 80% of the time, when E wakes up at night, she wants nothing to do with S, so even if he gets up with her, I ultimately end up having to get up too.

I know she won't be little forever.  I know the teething will pass.  I am just so tired.  I haven't slept more than six consecutive hours in almost two years.  I haven't slept more than three hours at once in weeks.  It is really taking a toll on me physically and mentally, and I don't know how to make it better.

And then I feel like a complete jerk for even letting myself complain about these things.  Especially when I think of how long we waited and struggled to become parents.  When I think of the couples who would kill to have my "problems" and who would do anything to be in my tired, grouchy shoes.

So, please, accept my apology for letting this all get the best of me.  I'm sorry I've been such a downer on my blog lately.  I'm sorry for all of the negativity.

I'm going to do my best to be more positive and to focus on the good things.  Like my amazing, beautiful, healthy daughter and my loving, encouraging, supportive husband.

And coffee... Lots and lots of coffee.

Warning: Rant Ahead

SERIOUSLY, what is the deal with everyone wanting to feed other people's babies?

Maybe this is just a problem we have, but it seems like every time we share food with anyone, they want to feed E things from their plates.  Sometimes without asking.  When she was six months old, my father-in-law tried to give her root beer.  ROOT BEER.  Another time, I had to fish oranges out of her mouth when another relative gave them to her, without my permission and while I was in the restaurant restroom, before E had been exposed to citrus.  Even last week at church, the lady who holds E while I sing in praise band (and who knows of her dairy allergy) tried to give her a butter-soaked biscuit before church.

And maybe I am just being an irrational bee-otch about the whole thing, but this irritates the HELL out of me.  It annoyed me before we knew E had food allergies, and now it really pisses me off... especially because the offenders are almost always people who KNOW she is allergic to dairy and to whom we have repeatedly explained that we have to be hyper-vigilant about what we feed her because dairy is in everything.  It also makes me super paranoid that if I look away for a second, someone will sneak her food that she shouldn't have and she will be sick for days, all because someone thought they knew better than S and me.  

This rant has been bubbling under the surface for awhile now, but was prompted by dinner last night with my in-laws.  Once again, we spent the entire first half of our meal fending off their attempts to feed E random things (chocolate chip cookies, bacon off of FIL's cheeseburger, breaded chicken strips...) and repeatedly explaining that no, she can't have that, it has dairy in it, while they continued to push the issue and with S's mom shooting increasingly less-subtle dirty looks to FIL from across the table.*  Good times!

I seriously don't know why my in-laws (and everyone else) have such an issue with this.  Does E look like she is starving and needs you to feed her?  She has ranked in at least the 90th percentile for weight pretty much her entire life, so I hardly think that is the reason.  Do they think we are just crazy over-protective parents?  (Probably.)  That we are abusing E by denying her chocolate/butter/etc.?  Or that we are doing this just for fun-sies?  I really don't get it.  Even before having E, I would never offer a child food without asking their parent's permission first.

And I'm sure everyone means well, but SERIOUSLY!  Lay off the baby, she is not starving.



* side note:  MIL hates me and frequently shoots FIL dirty looks any time she disapproves of things I do and say.  Oh, and she hasn't spoken to me since before E's birthday party in November.  But that is another story for another post...

On Cleaning and Co-Sleeping

Sorry my posting has been light this week.  I finally got motivated to do some much-needed cleaning and purging of junk around the house, and it has been keeping me quite busy these past few days.

Exhibit A:  Our "bottle cabinet", before some organization. (And yes, our bottles might share cabinet space with wine and shot glasses.  Coincidence?)

It has probably literally been a year since our house had a good deep-cleaning, because we sure haven't done one since E arrived.  And it was obvious.  Our "guest room" had really just become a huge closet where we stashed everything we didn't have a place for when visitors would come over.  E's crib and the corner of her nursery were full of clothing from various seasons that had been washed but never folded and put away.  (She sleeps with us, so no need to call CPS about the suffocation hazard of laundry in her crib!)  You get the picture.  It was BAD.

I'm happy to report that this week, I've managed to empty and re-organize the guest room; sort, fold, and put away most of the laundry from E's room; did a deep clean of our bathroom; and purged old clothes and junk from three of our closets to donate.  Oh, and did a little organization in the kitchen.  Whew!

And on an entirely different note, I just came across this co-sleeping article and wanted to share it with you all.  I absolutely loved it and felt like I could have written it myself.  Anyone who has read my blog knows about our issues with E and sleep, and co-sleeping has been the only thing to save my sanity from months and months of sleep deprivation...  Despite the judgement we get from others when we tell them E shares our bed. 

Anyway, you can read it here:  Why Co-Sleeping Works For Us, Even If It Horrifies You

I hope everyone is having a great week, and had a wonderful Halloween!  Seriously, how is it NOVEMBER already?!

Life...

Has really gotten in the way of blogging this week!

This past weekend, we spent 12+ hours in the car driving to my hometown, then my college town, for my alma mater's Homecoming.  It was the first time all of my college friends and I had been able to get together in two years, so it was really great to see them again.  It was also the first time most of them got to meet E, which was awesome.  The trip was exhausting, but a blast, and I'm so glad we went.  However, I still don't feel like I've recovered! haha  I've really been dragging all week.

Monday I had to work at my part-time job at the government agency, Tuesday and Wednesday I was home with E, but doing some work for a legal client and trying to reclaim our house from the tornado that apparently went through while we were out of town.  (HA! I wish I could blame a tornado, that would be less embarassing...)

I was also FINALLY able to drop our car off to be repaired from the car accident we were in last month, and in its place we were given the most ridiculous, tiny rental car ever... not so good when I'm 5'8 and S is 6'3!  It is a Ford Fiesta, and is seriously stupid tiny.  I hate it so much and can't wait to get our car back!

Yesterday I worked again at my part-time job, and tried to spend a little time with E and S before falling asleep around 8:00 p.m.

I don't know if it's because E has been teething and not sleeping so well, or because I feel like I might be getting sick, but I have just not been able to keep my eyes open this week.  I get home, eat dinner, turn on the t.v., and I'm out.  I hate it, and I can tell S is getting annoyed too because we haven't had much "together" time this week due to us being busy and me being exhausted.

So, that is where I've been.  I hope things will slow down and that I can return to being a better blogger next week!

Crying over spilled milk

I just realized I forgot to put the milk I pumped for E in the fridge.

The milk I pumped at work... YESTERDAY.

[insert string of expletives here]

It was only 13 ounces, but still.  I work damn hard to still make that much now that she is starting to wean, and I hate pumping so so so much.  There goes all of my hard work -- literally -- down the drain.

*SOB*

I seriously could cry.  Whoever said "there is no use crying over spilled milk" obviously never breastfed.  And they sure as hell never pumped.

Score!

This weekend, S and I ran out of K-cups for our Keurig.  I know, I know, real first-world problems we have here... lol

I had been meaning to go grocery shopping for days, but just kept putting it off.  Well, I'm glad I did, because when I stopped by our local HyVee (a grocery store, for those not in the Midwest) today, I saw they were running a weekly special on 12 packs of K-cups -- $6.99 per box ($0.58/K-cup), down from $9.99 per box ($0.83/K-cup) regular price!

(P.S. WTF HyVee, that is really expensive, even for a non-sale price.)

And, not only were the K-cups on crazy sale, but I also had coupons for $1.00 off one and $1.50 off two!  I bought four boxes for $25.46 including the coupons, which made them $0.53 per K-cup.  Amazing, considering ~$0.60 per K-cup is generally considered a pretty good price! 

Anyway... here is my loot.  Hooray for saving money!  :-)