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Monday, February 18, 2013

Apology

I wanted to say I'm sorry for complaining so much lately.

I just re-read what I posted at 3:00 this morning and realized I sound like such a whiner. 

E is having a hard time, it is not her fault, and I should have more compassion for her.  Instead I find myself so angry and frustrated, especially in the middle of the night.  Of course I would never take that frustration out on E, but I feel guilty for even thinking it.  I love that little girl more than anything in this world, and I feel like a horrible person for letting myself get so frustrated with her. 

I know what you are thinking, have S help so I can get some sleep.  S does help.  He is amazing.  He gets as little or less sleep than I do, and still manages to function (and excel) at his rotations every day.  But about 80% of the time, when E wakes up at night, she wants nothing to do with S, so even if he gets up with her, I ultimately end up having to get up too.

I know she won't be little forever.  I know the teething will pass.  I am just so tired.  I haven't slept more than six consecutive hours in almost two years.  I haven't slept more than three hours at once in weeks.  It is really taking a toll on me physically and mentally, and I don't know how to make it better.

And then I feel like a complete jerk for even letting myself complain about these things.  Especially when I think of how long we waited and struggled to become parents.  When I think of the couples who would kill to have my "problems" and who would do anything to be in my tired, grouchy shoes.

So, please, accept my apology for letting this all get the best of me.  I'm sorry I've been such a downer on my blog lately.  I'm sorry for all of the negativity.

I'm going to do my best to be more positive and to focus on the good things.  Like my amazing, beautiful, healthy daughter and my loving, encouraging, supportive husband.

And coffee... Lots and lots of coffee.

4 comments:

  1. Teething sucks. You don't need to apologize. It's hard for the babe and hard for the parents. We HAVE to find our ways to cope with it and if it's blogging that helps you get it out there to feel a little better, then so be it! It's soooooooooo relatable bc we've all been there and reading about others moms dealing with it helps us feel better and cope a little better, too. Seriously, if it weren't for other moms out there (in person or on the internet), wouldn't we all go a little nuts? Or a lot nuts.... We need these conversations, these blogs, to help us remember we are all doing the best we can and we all have those struggles.

    I know you said you are doing Motrin and Tylenol... Motrin really helped our bud when teething pain got extreme... the only thing I can think of, if she still seems in pain after that, does she have a full enough tummy when you give her the meds to keep her tummy from getting upset?

    I hope it gets better... it will... but I hope it's SOON!

    And A-to-the-Men on the coffee!

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  2. You should NOT feel guilty for complaining, and hopefully no one is making you feel that way. Mothering is HARD, and when you have a teether, a partner in medicine with a crazy schedule, a little one who defies sleep :) and you are just plain human - of course you are going to get down on yourself and be negative some days. If you are all smiles through this then you are either highly medicated or out of touch with reality, or both ;)

    Also, despite your struggle with having a baby, you still get to have days that are hard and days where you complain. To put some standard on you that every moment of parenting has to be a unicorn-pooping-rainbows is not fair nor is it realistic.

    So complain on. Otherwise you'd be lying and making mothering look falsely easy :)

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  3. Thank you both, so much. I really appreciate your comments, and your validation that I am not a bad person for complaining! :-)

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  4. No need to feel guilty and apologize. Being a mom is hard. You will have good days and you will have plenty of bad, hard, disastrous days. I also feel those bad days and get mommy guilt for complaining but I have to remember it's all part of parenting and learning. My do I have plenty to learn and I have gotten frustrated, annoyed, and upset along the way but it's all part of it :)

    Have you tried an amber necklace and teething tablets? Max always feels better with these.

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