I wanted to say I'm sorry for complaining so much lately.
I just re-read what I posted at 3:00 this morning and realized I sound like such a whiner.
E is having a hard time, it is not her fault, and I should have more compassion for her. Instead I find myself so angry and frustrated, especially in the middle of the night. Of course I would never take that frustration out on E, but I feel guilty for even thinking it. I love that little girl more than anything in this world, and I feel like a horrible person for letting myself get so frustrated with her.
I know what you are thinking, have S help so I can get some sleep. S does help. He is amazing. He gets as little or less sleep than I do, and still manages to function (and excel) at his rotations every day. But about 80% of the time, when E wakes up at night, she wants nothing to do with S, so even if he gets up with her, I ultimately end up having to get up too.
I know she won't be little forever. I know the teething will pass. I am just so tired. I haven't slept more than six consecutive hours in
almost two years. I haven't slept more than three hours at once in
weeks. It is really taking a toll on me physically and mentally, and I
don't know how to make it better.
And then I feel like a complete jerk for even letting myself complain about these things. Especially when I think of how long we waited and struggled to become parents. When I think of the couples who would kill to have my "problems" and who would do anything to be in my tired, grouchy shoes.
So, please, accept my apology for letting this all get the best of me. I'm sorry I've been such a downer on my blog lately. I'm sorry for all of the negativity.
I'm going to do my best to be more positive and to focus on the good things. Like my amazing, beautiful, healthy daughter and my loving, encouraging, supportive husband.
And coffee... Lots and lots of coffee.